My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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