my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
