Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
