I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
