i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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