the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
