Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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