I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
