dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
