ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
