i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
