dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
