Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
