I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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