shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
