the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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