I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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