dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
