I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
