I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
