after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
