So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
