After last night, I could never be a politician.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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