I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
