We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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