life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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