he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
