Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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