Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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