I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
