a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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