my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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