I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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