I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
