i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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