Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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