hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
