Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sarcasm needs its own font
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
