drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
