I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
