I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
