maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize