I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
