And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Please, let me fuck your mom
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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