this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
