He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
