I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
