Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
