We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is wine microwaveable?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
