i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
