Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
