I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
