the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
