dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dicks are not precious.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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