i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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