Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She bit a glass in half.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
