We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
