In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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