I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
