Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.